it's raining. and it's Jumaat. a day of barakah insyaAllah. i wonder everytime i write would it make any sense to the reader or even myself. i talked crap much. but i just need to. it is a relief somehow. these days, i break down. i dont know. maybe cuz i chose to be bad. i chose to waste my time. i know He is right there always watching me. always Knows what im doing, how i feel. but i dont know i just turn away from Him and find another way to make me feel happy. that's totally wrong, innit? *british slang*
i need You, my Lord
so yeah. i know.. i am too much. being away from Him is so much pain. and turning back to Him is.. ugh i feel guilty. i shouldnt have said it here though. it's what i need to say to myself. i need to do this alone. im not sure the reason why i am like this. maybe cuz i dont have enough people attention? but why would i bother about that -,- maybe i feel alone cuz there's no one to talk to? ugh idk. haha now people would say i am totally a loner after they read this. a forever alone huh. but which would you prefer- people care and attention.. or His'? I should turn back to Him.
Astaghfirullah.