Salam alaik, there.
Oh hey! it's April already. APRIL. likee are you kidding me. "wont allow you to fool me, April" hmm unfortunately my March this year didn't go quite sweet as i expected. in fact, it was such a pain in the ass to me. seriously. crying was alot than laughing and smiling. pretty sad, innit? and odd, too.
akhir bulan mac, benda yang saya (ceh saya) harap akan jadi best atau ok menjadi sebaliknya. pastu, benda yang sebaliknya pula, menjadi sebaliknya. still, alhamdulillah to that. takpelah, pasti ada hikmahnya! k, contohnya;
true. i sat back and thought. it was my fault.. my effort wasnt really an effort. but no, it's not the end yet. i can do well after this as long as i dont just stay on the ground. it's the best when you get back back up after a great fall. but likee i know, spm kott. self-motivations never stop after that. thinking back... what i've done for the past five years since i got back from UK? it disappoints me as hell whenever i think of it. i needta change. i just need to.
perasan tak perenggan bm lagi panjang daripada bi punya. panjang sikit. haha okaay. tukar topik. tak sangka time kak aina bawak kak izah datang sini, ktorang semua happy. tak expect pun. tak expect it'll turn well! had a lot fun wif kak izah. she's caring and kind. dah la from sabah. malam dia tolong saya ngan upu, dia speaking sabah bhai masa baca blog sorang nih. best. kak izah sporting. lol ke saya je yang jakun jumpa orang baik? hahaha aini atikah ni -,- mungkin sebab kak aina tak sebaik tu...? haha yeah, kekerekannya yang paling saya benci. oh sebelum terlupa, adnin tak jadi bukak halo daripada badannya kerana kena extend lagi sebulan untuk biar tulang dia tumbuh dengan sempurna. dia sangat tabah. sekarang masih lagi di hospital sejak hari khamis dan mungkin keluar esok. my bm just sucks
hmm what else didnt turn well? k i guess i might start talking about that person now. oh wait. the night kak izah stayed with us, it was our last time to see Rey. see my last post? it's about him. yeah it's just a rabbit but hey, i've always 'manja-manja' with him everytime i go out to our lil garden. now, i rarely play with Panda and Eerrie because they're female and not as cuuuteeee as Rey. anyways. i lost him. now i guess, i've just lost again. lost someone. k i might cry while typing this. it tears me apart everytime i think about you. until now.
tak sangka, semua ni berlaku cepat sangat. tak sangka. bila fikir balik, rasa menyesal mungkin. menyesal sebab selfish sangat dulu. menyesal sebab mengada tahap apa je dulu. hoping that that person would come and pujuk. i was wrong. eh tolonglah aini. ada banyak lagi benda lain orang tu nak buat -,- hahah. rasa susah.. resah everyday. i repeat, everyday. setiap hari kalau tak fikir pasal that person, tak sah. ingat bila dia balik cuti, nak mintak maaf and bina balik r/ship yang macam dah rosak, but.. it didnt work. sadly, it didint. so, terpaksalah biarkan dia pergi.. mungkin buat masa ni, itu lebih baik.
really like a solenoid it seemed. when i dont talked to you, you'd say this and that about me. but when i do, you try to hide away and say you are just busy. even worst, it's just a small matter to you. you forgive and forget. forgive is good. but you can easily forget? well i dont. heh i felt damn embarrased to the last thing i've said to you before you go back. damn embarassed. because of no bloody respond. shame on me now, ey.
tak perlu kot semua benda nak spill kat twitter. mungkin semua tweets tu bukan berkenaan perasaan. tapi dalam hati ni, Dia yang tahu. susah jugak bila orang nak tahu perasaan kita melalui twitter. mengagak apa yang kita rasa through benda tu, then judge macam tu je. haih. sebab tula, saya cuba menjauhkan diri dengan benda alah tu.
i just dont know what to do and say anymore. since you've left and let go, maybe it's the best this way. we should stay this way. maybe, He wants us to learn from our mistakes. things we did and had before, wasnt right perhaps. plus, He'll grant us someone better and right for us. and maybe, things that i like are not good for me to have and therefore, He takes that away from me. maybe. it's alright.. the dunya and its contents are not even ours. forever. no. we ourselves are not even ours. so, lets husnuzzon towards Him, The Creator.
it's 4 pm already.
though the goodbye wasn't that beautiful </3